most of my posts recently have been venting and this one is too but i still feel bad sorry guys
i haven't been able to breathe for the last three-ish days. it's like my chest collapsed in on itself and i just haven't managed to get to an ER yet. it started in a starbucks bathroom and still hasn't ended.
i've only managed to eat bread, and that's when i've eaten anything at all. today was the first day that i actually had anything not considered in the bread catagory.
i basically haven't left my house since wednesday.
i received something i didn't think i would get--and yet i still feel this way.
i just want a hug.
every so often i'll look in the mirror after i'm dressed and just realize that i look like absolute shit.
i think my parents figured out something was wrong when they heard the goo goo dolls coming from my room. this isnt below the cut because i honestly think it's so goddamn funny that it took iris for them to realize that i'm not doing great.
i hesitate to even post anything here because i know it's an open invitation for a specific person to look but i just don't care at this point. everything i've written is the truth--nothing more, nothing less.
to say my feelings have been hurt is an understatement. for 3 years i have constantly been made to wait by the phone and i'm fucking tired of it. it's disrespectful to me and of my time. it's disrespectful to my mother, who has had to help me shuffle family plans around.
i wouldn't tell them this because i love them and care for them and wish them every happiness--but it's not the first time this has happened. i understand being surprised by my sudden growth of a backbone but when i speak honestly, acting like i ran over their dog just isn't an option. i've given them a lot of slack in the past and always defended them from my parents--who think that i'm in this relationship for all of the wrong reasons.
i just wanted to go to dinner. instead i get to cry on my bedroom floor as i contemplate what flavour of ben&jerry's i'll buy at the store.
i'm angry and sad and i don't know why i'm feeling guilty. there's no reason for me to feel guilty. it's not like i ripped into them--i was honest, and if it was harsh then it was rightfully so.
i just wanted to go to dinner.