coffee and yarn

delilah | 18 | she/her | bi | tired

about me

Posts tagged Delilah.txt:

hey if y'all are looking for a musician to support, might i suggest evan diem? he's on tiktok and makes some suuuuper relatable content, and if you like his content, you'll like his songs. also probably vice versa.

here's his spotify. he just dropped his new album, more to read

the vibes are absolutely immaculate.

things delilah has learned this week:

- you will only ever get to choose the music at work on Tuesdays at 5

- you probably should never vape again bc the one hit you were peer pressured to take nearly killed you

- coffee and birth control is integral to your daily routine bc the week you decided to stop both, your employer told you that you need to go back to therapy

i asked the white rapper boy if he wanted to go to insomnia cookies tonight when i get off work and i think he maybe took it to mean a date and now idk how to get out of it, but it might mean free cookies, so i'm kind of okay with whatever he thinks about it

crownedwithwisteria asked:


Ethylamine: What sound do you love?

the laughter of others. real laughter--the kind where you can tell that they are just losing their shit because whatever happened was so funny

lina asked:

Ketene and oleum :)

Ketene: What is something you learned in the last week?

i will, in fact, eat sonic for lunch 3 days in a row

Oleum: If one song were to describe your life, what song would it be?

oh this is going to get depressing real quick. it's a hot tie between hollywood by jukebox the ghost and autoclave by the mountain goats

witchesflower asked:

Bromine, Hexafluoroacetone, and Ketene!

Bromine: What was your favorite food when you were a child?

balsamic pork medallions

Hexafluoroacetone: What do you want to be when you grow up?

a teacher!

Ketene: What is something you learned in the last week?

tik tok lesbians find me attractive and it is the weirdest goddamn feeling in the world

i have a drug screen tomorrow (pre-employment) and nothing makes me more anxious than a test that i know i'll pass bc i've never touched a single drug on that 5 panel in my life

and the following is on depression

i have eaten 4 large cupcakes in the past two days (normally i can't even finish 1 in 2 days) for the express purpose of making myself feel worse. i am well aware that this is not normal, but in a family where weight loss is a constant topic (and the family history of eating disorders IS NOT a topic), nobody looks at it as anything weird.

delilah has more feelings

adults over 25 keep telling me to cut off a specific person bc how he treats me counts as neglect (it counts as neglect to them, though i do indeed feel neglected), but i don't want to cut myself off bc he's trying to work on himself and heal (i think. not that he would tell me), and what if tomorrow he tells me he loves me? what if tomorrow he puts time and effort into making sure that i know he's okay?

and on the other hand, what if i die next week having cut him off today and then i'll have died with him being unhappy with me?

i've thought a lot more about my own death in the last few months. i can't die right now--it's out of the question. i'm responsible for the wellbeing of my family, whether i like it or not. it's a feeling that feels unique to eldest siblings (or so I've been told), so i'm not surprised that when i tell him that i am responsible for a 52 year old man who can't seem to keep himself under control, a 2 surgeries in 3 month post op 3 weeks mother who is feeling useless and thus lashes out accordingly, and a 10 year old boy who is caught in the middle of everything and trying to deal with me leaving for college in the fall--that the person in question doesn't seem to respond to my situation with any kind of sympathy or empathy that i can recognize.

and i flip flop between caring and not caring about how he feels about me and my life. one day, i'm fine with not knowing, and the next, i desperately want to know that he cares about me. i want my friend back, and i had that for a while, and then things happened and now i've got nothing. i don't even know if i'm supposed to bother him until he tells me what's going on (bc sometimes that's just what you're supposed to do) or leave him alone until he comes to me with whatever is bothering him. both have, at one point or another, been the right answer.

i wished his nephew a happy birthday the other day. that kid is so sweet. how am i supposed to wish him a happy birthday again if i cut off his uncle?

i don't mean to sound like i'm whining. i'm just so goddamn tired of being responsible. it's not like i haven't done this before. you'd think i'd be more used to being this.

i love him. that's the only thing that matters, in the end. i would do anything for him. i gave him a lot of myself, and at this point i guess i just won't get any of it back.

cw delilah has a lot of feelings

nothing in my life is stable right now and I've articulated that fact to 3 people--my mother, my favourite person on the planet, and *her*. (We'll call her Sofia, for the purpose of this post).

as some of you know, I started a tiktok account, and I didn't tell most of my friends because I hold my work to an incredibly high standard and I needed somewhere to be subpar. So Sofia comes along and follows me, and she likes the subpar work I've put out there. She thinks I'm pretty and fun and wants to hear what I have to say--so much so that she makes an effort to keep up the conversation. It's more real and deep conversation than I've had in a while too.

i think she's fantastic. She has green hair and a wonderful smile and she's super fucking pretty and she's so kind. The world has not been nice to her at all, and she chose to be kind--at least, kind to me. I can't speak to how she is around other people.

I have been craving the exchange of a type of attention that makes my heart go soft for MONTHS and now I have it and I can’t help but feel guilty even though she makes me happy and I’m pretty sure I make her happy and why in my life has happy always been accompanied by guilt??

we're friends. Just friends. and that is how we will remain. I can't handle anything at the moment--much less the implications of ever wanting more.

besides, I'm still holding out hope that a specific someone cares about me. It's a hard thing to justify, but everybody has one or two hard to justify things that they hold on to.

i am on three hours of sleep, just trying to join the weekly digital marketing call, and my brother has decided that NOW is the best time to watch tv and take up all of the bandwidth in the house

i've started putting on a full face of makeup for conference calls and now it's become a habit help

coffeeandyarn -

i very nearly posted a politically-charged tweet on the ar/vr brand twitter and let me tell you i haven't felt that alive in MONTHS

coffeeandyarn -

@demoncat13 commented:
Feeling better then I hope?

Oh absolutely

i very nearly posted a politically-charged tweet on the ar/vr brand twitter and let me tell you i haven't felt that alive in MONTHS

hey just to let all of y'all know, @demoncat13 is a fucking SWEETHEART!!!!

for you, @demoncat13 : πŸ’–πŸ’•πŸ’—πŸ’“πŸ’˜πŸ’

ya girl got a job at an ar/vr startup, i'm very underqualified for the position, and i'm just a child--idk how to tell the head of data analytics that i can hear his wife better than i can hear him, so whatever explanation of long-tailed keyword analytics he's trying to get across, i CAN NOT understand

somebody (in a wlw community i'm in) recently suggested that my attraction to men might just be compulsory heterosexuality and now i think i'll just sit here and try to never be attracted to anybody ever again bc that would just be easier

coffeeandyarn -

Just sent a message meant for my s/o to a guy that I’m friends with, so I’m sufficiently mortified for the next ten years

coffeeandyarn -

@naiad commented:
a couple days ago my brother sent my husband a text meant for some girl he's with that had a song link and "I listen to this every night and it makes me think of you and cry" it could be worse lmao

this is a good point. he seemed to take it in stride, which is nice

Just sent a message meant for my s/o to a guy that I’m friends with, so I’m sufficiently mortified for the next ten years

ya girl might have just landed herself a marketing job (that she isn't qualified for, at all) at a startup

odd story that has to do with the coffee shop I frequent, dirty chai lattes, adult peer pressure (but like, in a fun way), and the fact that I am a mild attention whore. I mention my eating disorder, briefly, but it doesn't dominate the story

so there's this guy at the coffee shop I frequent--isaac. hes nice, and funny, and pays attention to me. for the longest time I attributed that to the fact that I basically pay him to pay attention to me, but recently it's been different. I like to get these dirty chai lattes and he knows about my eating disorder, and he tries to make sure that I eat enough and he always makes me a glass of water after I finish my coffee. the water is nonnegotiable. He is the only consistent friend I've made since moving here.

the owner, Pablo, thinks I should be Isaac's girlfriend. Other people have mentioned it too--from old women who come for a glass of wine, to other employees.

I don't know how I feel about it. He's nice. And god knows I don't get much attention these days from the people I'd like attention from. Especially not the kind of attention I want. I'm leaving town soon, so I suppose it doesn't matter anyway.

i'm going to need a xanax before all of this is over

mcatnip asked:

I and T!

I. Internal: What are 5 things you like about yourself?

my hair, my ability to knit, my ability to write (arguably), my ability to get along with most anybody, the fact that i'm a pretty good judge of character

T. Time: How do you spend your time these days?

i got a car recently, so i've been doing a lot of driving. i'm also looking for internships.

demoncat13 asked:

If you're doing the a-to-z asks, then how about s, w, and z?

S. Sea: Do you like the beaches or the mountains?

it depends on who i'm with. a good rule of thumb for me is "which place has fewer snakes?" and in this case that would be the beach. maybe.

W. Weird: What are three weird things that you have noticed other people do?

1) people on the road in my town don't like to turn right on red. it's legal, they just don't like to do it; 2) my mother only eats sandwiches with bbq sauce as a dipping condiment; 3) my father will only drink sugar-free crystal light lemonade

Z. Zero: What is something you don't have, but want?

a sewing machine. or the interchangeable circular needle sets that i see knitstagrammers with all the time