hey if y'all are looking for a musician to support, might i suggest evan diem? he's on tiktok and makes some suuuuper relatable content, and if you like his content, you'll like his songs. also probably vice versa.
the vibes are absolutely immaculate.
things delilah has learned this week:
- you will only ever get to choose the music at work on Tuesdays at 5
- you probably should never vape again bc the one hit you were peer pressured to take nearly killed you
- coffee and birth control is integral to your daily routine bc the week you decided to stop both, your employer told you that you need to go back to therapy
Ketene and oleum :)
Ketene: What is something you learned in the last week?
i will, in fact, eat sonic for lunch 3 days in a row
Oleum: If one song were to describe your life, what song would it be?
Bromine, Hexafluoroacetone, and Ketene!
Bromine: What was your favorite food when you were a child?
balsamic pork medallions
Hexafluoroacetone: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Ketene: What is something you learned in the last week?
tik tok lesbians find me attractive and it is the weirdest goddamn feeling in the world
and the following is on depression
delilah has more feelings
and on the other hand, what if i die next week having cut him off today and then i'll have died with him being unhappy with me?
i've thought a lot more about my own death in the last few months. i can't die right now--it's out of the question. i'm responsible for the wellbeing of my family, whether i like it or not. it's a feeling that feels unique to eldest siblings (or so I've been told), so i'm not surprised that when i tell him that i am responsible for a 52 year old man who can't seem to keep himself under control, a 2 surgeries in 3 month post op 3 weeks mother who is feeling useless and thus lashes out accordingly, and a 10 year old boy who is caught in the middle of everything and trying to deal with me leaving for college in the fall--that the person in question doesn't seem to respond to my situation with any kind of sympathy or empathy that i can recognize.
and i flip flop between caring and not caring about how he feels about me and my life. one day, i'm fine with not knowing, and the next, i desperately want to know that he cares about me. i want my friend back, and i had that for a while, and then things happened and now i've got nothing. i don't even know if i'm supposed to bother him until he tells me what's going on (bc sometimes that's just what you're supposed to do) or leave him alone until he comes to me with whatever is bothering him. both have, at one point or another, been the right answer.
i wished his nephew a happy birthday the other day. that kid is so sweet. how am i supposed to wish him a happy birthday again if i cut off his uncle?
i don't mean to sound like i'm whining. i'm just so goddamn tired of being responsible. it's not like i haven't done this before. you'd think i'd be more used to being this.
i love him. that's the only thing that matters, in the end. i would do anything for him. i gave him a lot of myself, and at this point i guess i just won't get any of it back.
cw delilah has a lot of feelings
as some of you know, I started a tiktok account, and I didn't tell most of my friends because I hold my work to an incredibly high standard and I needed somewhere to be subpar. So Sofia comes along and follows me, and she likes the subpar work I've put out there. She thinks I'm pretty and fun and wants to hear what I have to say--so much so that she makes an effort to keep up the conversation. It's more real and deep conversation than I've had in a while too.
i think she's fantastic. She has green hair and a wonderful smile and she's super fucking pretty and she's so kind. The world has not been nice to her at all, and she chose to be kind--at least, kind to me. I can't speak to how she is around other people.
I have been craving the exchange of a type of attention that makes my heart go soft for MONTHS and now I have it and I can’t help but feel guilty even though she makes me happy and I’m pretty sure I make her happy and why in my life has happy always been accompanied by guilt??
we're friends. Just friends. and that is how we will remain. I can't handle anything at the moment--much less the implications of ever wanting more.
besides, I'm still holding out hope that a specific someone cares about me. It's a hard thing to justify, but everybody has one or two hard to justify things that they hold on to.
ya girl got a job at an ar/vr startup, i'm very underqualified for the position, and i'm just a child--idk how to tell the head of data analytics that i can hear his wife better than i can hear him, so whatever explanation of long-tailed keyword analytics he's trying to get across, i CAN NOT understand
somebody (in a wlw community i'm in) recently suggested that my attraction to men might just be compulsory heterosexuality and now i think i'll just sit here and try to never be attracted to anybody ever again bc that would just be easier
Just sent a message meant for my s/o to a guy that I’m friends with, so I’m sufficiently mortified for the next ten years
a couple days ago my brother sent my husband a text meant for some girl he's with that had a song link and "I listen to this every night and it makes me think of you and cry" it could be worse lmao
this is a good point. he seemed to take it in stride, which is nice
hey remember when your parent had you risk getting a DUI so they could have a cheeseburger?
odd story that has to do with the coffee shop I frequent, dirty chai lattes, adult peer pressure (but like, in a fun way), and the fact that I am a mild attention whore. I mention my eating disorder, briefly, but it doesn't dominate the story
the owner, Pablo, thinks I should be Isaac's girlfriend. Other people have mentioned it too--from old women who come for a glass of wine, to other employees.
I don't know how I feel about it. He's nice. And god knows I don't get much attention these days from the people I'd like attention from. Especially not the kind of attention I want. I'm leaving town soon, so I suppose it doesn't matter anyway.
I and T!
I. Internal: What are 5 things you like about yourself?
my hair, my ability to knit, my ability to write (arguably), my ability to get along with most anybody, the fact that i'm a pretty good judge of character
T. Time: How do you spend your time these days?
i got a car recently, so i've been doing a lot of driving. i'm also looking for internships.
If you're doing the a-to-z asks, then how about s, w, and z?
S. Sea: Do you like the beaches or the mountains?
it depends on who i'm with. a good rule of thumb for me is "which place has fewer snakes?" and in this case that would be the beach. maybe.
W. Weird: What are three weird things that you have noticed other people do?
1) people on the road in my town don't like to turn right on red. it's legal, they just don't like to do it; 2) my mother only eats sandwiches with bbq sauce as a dipping condiment; 3) my father will only drink sugar-free crystal light lemonade
Z. Zero: What is something you don't have, but want?
a sewing machine. or the interchangeable circular needle sets that i see knitstagrammers with all the time