coffee and yarn

I don't want to go back to Arkansas. I want to stay in Colorado where things work and people are nice and there's good Japanese food and people walk everywhere and there's a college that I want to go to but most likely won't be able to attend because I don't have the money. And the idea of trying to convince my father of helping me to pay makes me want to just take out all of the student loans I can and pay for it myself. 

but most of all, I don't want to go home because through coming here I realized how instead of thriving in my current life, I'm just getting by. I don't eat right, I'm tired, I'm sad---ALL the fucking time. 

I don't have friends and I can't focus on my school work and I'm left sitting in a corner of the Denver airport crying at the thought of going back to my every day life because of how good it COULD be